Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
