That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
