I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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