Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
