your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
