if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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