I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
