Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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