im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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