Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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