Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
