the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
