So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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