Hey man sorry I got all grabby
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
