I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
