What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
