I didn't shave. On purpose
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
