Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
