i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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