I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
