You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
