Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
