i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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