If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
