He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
50% drunk capacity currently
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
