I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
