I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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