everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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