omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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