Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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