I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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