Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
