I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
