i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
