I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
