Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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