come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
