from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
