i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
