Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize