alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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