a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
