just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
