i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
that may or may not have been my penis.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
