Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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