I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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