dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
