i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think i got beer on your cat.
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