Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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