Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
