did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
