I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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