My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
