So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
