I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
