I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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