i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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