Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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