i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
