He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
