I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
