I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
