Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
