i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
