We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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