Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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