I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
