he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
