I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
