I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
