theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
