my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize