can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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