The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
