we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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