What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
