I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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