i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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