Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize