smell my finger.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
